I'm singing. I sing when I'm waiting for a cab. I sing when I'm walking through the market. I sing till I realise that I am not alone and then look around to check if anyone's staring at me. But it doesn't stop there. I'm singing in my head. All the time. Ever since I can remember. I guess we all are. It wouldn't be A song. It needn't have words. But it's music alright. And my guitar gives me the strength to bring it out. But only when I'm alone for now. I always found the task very intimidating of 'making' one's own music. But then you realise, that you had it in you, all along.

I remember hesitating as I would traverse the strict notes of Hindustani music in front of my Guru in her sweltering second floor music room where I used to ride down every second day on my little red bicycle. As a little girl, I got my aunt's harmonium as a legacy. I would love to figure out the notes of songs I knew on my own. My mom thought it was quite a feat. But I feel that if you can hum it, you can play it. And then, when I grew up she would leave the ball in my court. She wouldn't ask me to write down the alaap and taan but make it own my own. Scared of going off key, I would keep it simple and never take chances.

But I've discovered that taking chances with music is fun. Firstly you are alone. So you can listen to yourself. Then there's the freedom of modern music that doesn't bind you like the raaga does. Of course the raaga keeps you disciplined, but when you have the guitar chords under your finger tips, you feel a little more confident, as if you are 'holding' the music - quite literally.

I hope I can keep this up. If at all I ever have to give up my day job.