what i loved most about "ZINDA" starring Sanjay Dutt and John Abraham was the grit the man shows even after so much being done to him. A newly married man who is doing well in life, has so many things planned, so many dreams in store is out of nowhere shot at, and wakes up to find himself in a cell. There's no one to exlain to him what he has done to deserve that, no one to tel him, why he's there, and for how long. Despair surrounds him. he is not allowed to ask questions, he is not allowed to live. he is not even allowed to die. fourteen years...

anyone could get crushed. anyone could give up, go insane, lose it all, give in.

it is the instinct of every being to live more than anything else that keeps one going. its there. its in all of us.

we just need to discover it.

so the next time when you are really low and ask yourself, "WHY ME??!!" think again. think of Bali. For fourteen years he must have asked this very question. To himself, to God. He must have wanted to scream himself to death. He would've wanted to wild.. wild with that pricking, curbing, ovrewhelming, encompassing feeling... how long.. he must be just waiting to die. just waiting. and yet he lived on.

a part of me tells me that curiosity also plays a very important role here. to see what happens next. because Hope never dies. Bali never loses hope. Hope of change. Any change. Change in the lunch, change in the time when they fumigate his room with Valium so that he's unconcious when they come to shave him, or even a change in his hairstyle..

this hope makes him stronger. this very hope makes all of us stronger. it always will...

a sunday morning.. guess the last day of my extended vacation that was partly due to illness, and partly due to utter boredom. starting tomorrow i got to wake up at 5:45 everyday, go for french class, and yes, go to work too.

but i'm surprisingly looking forward to it, maybe coz the last week was totally unproductive.

so all's well that ends well..

tchao for now

obsession

u cant get it out of your head
u cant help missing it
u want it u need it
but truely u dont
its just a way of taking your mind off something else
something more bitter, something much worse
when does this obsession end?
guess when its yours
then u detest it to the point of hating yourself
for loving it so much
for wanting it so desperately
for needing it when u didnt
for being what you r not

so i finally start off.. pathetically late though.

setting higher standards for myself has always led to disappointment. yet i dont stop. it is what drives me. but it is what just mite break me one day. is being content with what one gets the rite way to go about things? or is the uncomfort of eternal dissatisfaction a healthier option?